Kindness

I am no sweetheart mom, I know, and it is not easy for me to be kind and sweet as I sometimes wish for my children. And I know so well, why I’m like this. Because I am not kind to myself at all.

I was raised up from very different culture than most western children are. I wished for my kids to be asked for their opinions, to have their right to speak out, to express what they feel and think.

I didn’t have had any wish, even as a little girl. I thought, it’s impolite and rude to the family and I had actually all I needed to live. My own thought wasn’t necessary to exist, except correct answers for exams. First with age of 23, as I came to Germany, and was asked if I want to have a cup of tea or coffee, I couldn’t answer right back. Because I was never asked before. Someone in a group would always say, ‘let’s take coffee, has anybody against this?’

My life begun with asking and defining what I like and what I don’t. But I used to do, work and study so hard whenever, whatever I had to confront with in my life, (eventhough it wasn’t aware by me, if it was my choice or I just believed it were mine,..) I just can’t understand people, who made up his mind to dedicate in something, or at least decided to join but doesn’t try every single time nor give all his best.

I don’t even expect any good result, all I wish is only one’s true heart and earnestness. But I know, even this! is to let go…upbringing is for this reason not easy at all. Because it’s about confronting with oneself and to find the solution, but better one. And sometimes, not always, I wish just to throw all away.🙈

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