Dear Jona and Toni,
long time I didn’t write to you two any words. There were lots of happenings in our little family over last several months that you’ve also experienced all by yourself and know every moment better than anyone else. I decided to move out and your dad also agreed to the separation of our marriage.
I was, of course, tremendously afraid and scared about the influence upon you two, also very uncertain if you would be hurt, if you would understand the situation, if you would be sad, if you would be angry, or mad upon me and my decision, my action, by the person who calls your ‘mom’.
But as we all witnessed and experienced and know now so well, how good we are doing now, what a great, wonderful time we spend every weekend together and how deeply and firmly our relationship as mom and children is growing, I can’t thank enough to our present, to all of us.
And now, I can write down further for you to keep in mind and whenever you become unsure with yourself, to remind these words.
Among many ways of feelings, the categories or roots of feelings are quite simple and few – joy, pleasure, pain, sorrow, anger, jealousy, greed. But there are thoughts through societies, cultures, educations, histories, religions and so on, and these thoughts created kind of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ feelings. For example, joy and pleasure are good, pain and sorrow are not welcome, anger, jealousy, greed are bad, even evil. But there’s no good nor bad, it depends on from which side you see. And even more, there are existing ‘always’ altogether. About this truth, I may write in another chance.
From the judgement of good or bad, we build unconsciously likes and dislikes in our mind. And some feelings – like anger, greed, sorrow are disliked or suppressed or disqualified or vanished or punished by many people. But feelings should be treated all the same. To feel something is the most excellent character of human-beings and to know what is actually human-beings, we should be able to feel every feeling. Not only ‘good’ feelings, but also as ‘bad’ judged feelings. But if you try to keep distance or avoid or hide yourself from those ‘bad’ feelings, you will never meet yourself as true Self. Because you deny to know, to understand who you are.
And if this ignorance of you were just all, that’d be the least problem. The real problem is, when you don’t accept all the feelings as they are, your denial attitude transforms and would be projected to your near people unconsciously. This affects enormously on every life. Not only on other human-beings. On all beings of this planet. It might be heard like a huge gap between one single person and the whole planet. But we all are a piece from the planet, the whole planet is in us. We just have different shapes in appearance. This is why, everything starts from each of us and everything ends also by each of us.
I know, it’s too difficult to understand right now, but it’s one of truth and it will guide you through lifetime and show you the light, whenever you confront with hard feelings.
With love, and only by love,
Dear Jona and Toni,