As my therapist asked me, what would describe me the best for now, with no hesitation, in my head there was only one word coming up. Krieger. Warrior in German.
I never wished to be a warrior, no, not even in fantasy. Maybe that’s why I was so hard fighting against me to not be a warrior?!🤷♀️ but I found by myself, I was through whole my life on the battle, fighting or more struggling for emotions, for achievements, for residence permit in Germany. And it was so frightening, because I should not fail, I should never commit any failure, I must go on, show up stronger and better, no one should think that I’m unhappy. No one should believe, I am doing not well. No one should see how scary and desperate I feel to stand on my feet. Gee, how helpless I was. Even now I feel so much pity to my younger self.🤦♀️
I failed after all. I was, am and will be a warrior, not because I was fighting, but I am able to confront with illusions, to see beyond and to choose happiness for myself.
The last question from the therapist was, how would I like to live from now on. Like a pilgrim, I answered also without thinking at all. ❤