Dear Jona, dear Toni,
Let me write this time about emotions.
So many things are judged to be good or bad, right or wrong, allowed or forbidden, and we must learn by ourselves how we can see the true value of them beyond such judgements with our own awareness and don’t forget how and where, for what or whom these judgements work. And I would say, emotions got underestimated through those judgements.
As child I was always caught up for loosening my temperament, it didn’t matter if I was happy or angry. I should never be impatient nor loud nor impolite, nor too excited, not to mention, rude, angry, sad, unsatisfied or depressed. But I was and am a person full of emotions inside. I couldn’t control my emotional state to be ‘normal’ , so I chose to hide or pretend to not feel my emotions or be unsure of them, fooled others to let them believe I didn’t know about it, or even myself. Nonetheless, I lost pretty easily my calmness. Anger ate me from inside, I was drawn severely by frustration and sorrow. I fell fiercely in love with someone, in next second hated the same person from the bottom of my heart. Despite of pressure, or probably because of pressure upon emotions, I was reacting always extremely on almost everything.
Now, you two my dear children, should be free from judgements and courageous enough to go through all emotions. And be aware, because what you’ve thought has made that feeling of yours. Do not identify yourself with those emotions. You are separated from them, because you are observing them. Once you are watching yourself, you gain the power to handle with them, to react against or along them. This is you. To decide what to do. In this point, any decision you may have can only be right for you. Sometimes results are not the same as you meant, nonetheless it was worthy and you can be proud of yourself and your own decisions, you are always faithful to yourself and that’s important than any praise, any critic, any opinion from others. As long as you don’t have any idea why you experience certain feelings, you didn’t try hard enough to find out what’s going inside of you. You will soon or later confront with similar situations and ask yourself, why the hell is it happening to you. Often you hear, that’s the ‘rotes Faden’ (red string) but no, i don’t think so. It’s just the logical consequence when one isn’t aware enough of himself.
And don’t be afraid nor lazy to recognize your emotions. Also don’t just choose sports or any kind of physical trainings to distract yourself from this hard mental job. Sport or Training is also necessary and very important to empower your spirit and body, but without mindset and awareness of emotions you will never reach what you want.
I’m and will be also training hard mentally and physically.
With love, your mom, Feburary 09, 2020